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9 Ways to Write a Patronizing Article About a Female Artist

 

 

1. Call her a girl, even if she’s 50. Pepper the piece with references, subtle or otherwise, to sex.

 

 

"Das Street Girl

 

 

"The Street Girl" 

 

2. Ask one interesting question in the headline (then don’t answer it), plus one that’s clickbait. Lesbians make great clickbait.

 

 

"Die schottische Band «Texas» beackert seit über 20 Jahren die grossen Bühnen. Wie macht sie das? Und wie geht die Sängerin mit ihrem Status als Lesbenikone um?"

 

 

"The Scottish band “Texas” has worked big stages for over 20 years. How have they managed that? And how does the singer deal with her status as a lesbian icon?"

 

3. Use the image title as a subtle reminder about the lesbians

 

 

"Texas-Sängerin Sharleen Spiteri mag die Verehrung weiblicher Fans." 

 

 

"Texas singer Sharleen Spiteri likes being adored by female fans."

 

4. If you’re frustrated over the fact that the “Who are you wearing?” question isn’t going to work, connect the “ratty” coat she wore to your first interview almost 20 years ago to "dirty old men". Then shame her for not buying nicer clothes with all the money she has.

 

 

"Zum Interview in der Zürcher Helvti-Bar kam Sharleen Spiteri 1999 in einem abgewetzten Regenmantel, wie ihn sonst nur dreckige alte Männer tragen. Das überraschte, war die Sängerin, Gitarristin und Songwriterin der schottischen Rockband Texas doch damals schon so erfolgreich, dass sie sich längst nicht mehr im Brockenhaus einzukleiden brauchte."

 

 

"For our interview in Zurich’s Helvti-Bar in 1999, Sharleen Spiteri arrived in a ratty raincoat, the kind normally worn only by dirty old men. This was surprising since by that time, the singer, guitarist and songwriter of the Scottish rock band Texas was already so successful that she no longer needed to shop for clothes at second hand stores."

 

5. Now complain that her “sexiness” was “forced” in her next video, a mismatch also because she was “knowledgeable” about guitars in conversation with you.

 

 

"Seltsam war dann zu sehen, wie Spiteri sich wenige Wochen später im Video zu ­Texas’ neuer Single «Summer Son» lasziv im mediterranen Sonnenschein räkelte. Diese forcierte Sexiness wollte gar nicht zur kecken Musikerin passen, die sich in der Helvti sachkundig darüber aufgeregt hatte, dass antike Gitarren immer öfter in den ­Zollfreilagern ignoranter Investoren verschwanden."

 

 

"It was therefore strange to see Spiteri a few weeks later lasciviously writhing around in the Mediterranean sun in the video for ­Texas’ new single “Summer Son”. This forced sexiness didn’t really suit the brash musician who became knowledgeably worked up in the Helvti over the fact that antique guitars were increasingly disappearing into the duty-free storage units of ignorant investors."

 

6. Keep harping on her style. If you must refer to her actual work, make sure to pick that album that didn’t do so well.
Devalue her androgyny as a mere attempt to “belong to the boys in the band”.

 

 

"Strassennähe und Glamour? Bis zum Album «Careful What You Wish For» (2003) blieb die Texas-Sängerin hin- und hergerissen. Aber seit diesem grotesk erfolglosen Werk, mit dem die Band kurzzeitig die Bodenhaftung verlor, hatte sich die Tochter eines Seemanns und einer Schaufensterdekorateurin nie wieder so sexy gegeben. Stattdessen markiert sie wieder das kecke Knabenmädchen, das einfach zu den Jungs in der Band gehören will."

 

 

"Street-wise and glamorous? Up until the album “Careful What You Wish For” (2003), the Texas singer was torn between the two. But in the wake of that ridiculously unsuccessful project, which resulted in the band losing their ground for a short while, the daughter of a merchant seaman and a window-dresser never again styled herself that sexy. Instead, she returned to affecting the image of the brash tomboy who just wants to belong to the boys in the band."

 

7. Mention the lesbians again, because you promised you would. Also, that she likes it better to be checked out by women than by men. Balance that out by mentioning she’s straight.

 

 

"Vielleicht ist Spiteris leicht androgyne Haltung der Grund, warum sie als heterosexuelle Frau eine generationenübergreifende lesbische Fangemeinschaft um sich versammelt hat, die ihr an Konzerte nachreist. Mit dieser Verehrung weiss Spiteri gut umzugehen: «Wenn eine Frau mir nachsieht, ist das ein grosses Kompliment», sagte sie unlängst der britischen Presse, «wenn ein Mann das tut, ist das für mich nicht weiter erwähnenswert.»"

 

 

"Spiteri’s slightly androgynous look is perhaps the reason why she, as a heterosexual woman, has collected lesbian fans spanning generations who follow her to concerts. Spiteri deals easily with their admiration, “When a woman checks me out, that’s a great compliment,” she recently told the British press, “if a man does it, it’s not noteworthy."

 

8. When you do finally get around to discussing her as an artist, use her ability to sing someone else’s song as a example.

9. Bring up that ratty coat again.
And oh yeah, you might as well mention the upcoming concert.

 

 

"Aber Sharleen Spiteri ist nicht nur eine Projektionsfläche, sie ist auch eine grosse Sängerin. Live wagt sie sich regelmässig an Ike & Tina Turners «River Deep, Mountain High» heran. Spiteri meistert diesen Blockbuster eines Songs. Vielleicht spielt sie den Welthit bei ihrem Auftritt in Zürich – aber dann bitte nicht im alten Regenmantel. Zuzutrauen wäre es ihr auf jeden Fall.
Sonntag, 19 Uhr, Volkshaus."

https://www.tagesanzeiger.ch/zueritipp/musik/das-street-girl/story/15715121

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"But Sharleen Spiteri is not just someone we can project our hopes and dreams onto, she is also a great singer. During live shows, she regularly takes on Ike & Tina Turner’s ‘River Deep, Mountain High’. Spiteri masters this blockbuster of a song. Maybe she’ll even sing the worldwide hit during her performance in Zurich – but if so, please not in that old raincoat. Even though I would trust her to do just that.
Sunday, 7pm, Volkshaus."

 

 

Copyright Katrin Gygax 2017

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